Dissertation Haiku
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History

3/26/2011

 
​Print revolution?
Young artist finds his own voice
ready to be Judged.

​
Loura Brooks
University of Edinburgh

​Working Title: Print as communicative event: Durer’s Apocalypse of 1498 as an incunabulum (early printed book)

Statistics

3/19/2011

 
​Food or water borne?
Assign diarrhea source
using statistics.

​
Dan Gillis
University of Guelph

​I present a new statistical method to classify spatially correlated data into distinct groups, while estimating the effect of covariates, using a Mixture model with multivariate conditionally autoregressive random effects.  The method provides parameter estimates as good or better than traditional spatial methods, while at the same time classifying the data into distinct groups; an option unavailable to traditional spatial methods.  The method was applied to Gastrointestinal data which were classified as either foodborne or waterborne in nature.  See also this haiku.

Music

3/14/2011

 
​Words can’t tell the past
Opera is experience:
History’s best mode.

​
Colleen Renihan
University of Toronto

​My dissertation examines how the structural, temporal, and narrative dimensions of the operatic form might render a representation of the past that is unique in comparison to historical representations in other modes.

Psychology

3/13/2011

 
​online or paper
which has more validity
both are just as good

​
Annie Pettit
York University, Toronto, Canada

​My dissertation is an evaluation of survey response sets, such as random responding, extreme responding and social desirability, in online and paper psychology surveys.

Theatre

3/12/2011

 
​Visions and portents
On the Restoration stage
Reflect End-Times fears.

​
Neil Scharnick
Carthage College

​Working title: “The World’s Last Groans”: The Eschatology of Restoration Theatre
My research (in progress at the University of Wisconsin-Madison) connects apocalyptic and millennialist imagery and rhetoric in Restoration drama–including most notably the tragedies of Nathaniel Lee, John Dryden, Elkanah Settle, John Banks, and Thomas Otway–to the beliefs, fears, and religio-political conflicts of the late Seventeenth Century.

Mathematics

3/10/2011

 
​Undercooked noodle:
Chance to land near Cantor set?
Log n over n.

​
Matthew Bond
Michigan State University

​My research is on the probability that “Buffon’s needle” (or noodle, as the case may be) will land near a self-similar (“Cantor-like”) set of Hausdorff dimension 1 in the plane. (The abstract and first chapter are relatively non-technical.)

Paleontology

3/10/2011

 
​Some coelurosaurs
Had arctometatarsi.
They could run real fast.

​
Thomas R. Holtz, Jr.
Yale University

​Dissertation title: “An unusual structure of the metatarsus of Theropoda (Archosauria, Dinosauria, Saurischia) of the Cretaceous”
I examined (and coined the name for) the anatomy, function, and evolutionary origins of the arctometarsus (pinched foot structure) of certain types of advanced meat-eating dinosaurs (various coelurosaurian theropods). Among these dinosaurs are the tyrannosaurids (T. rex and kin), the ostrich-like ornithomimids, and the bird-like troodontids. My conclusions that this adaptation was for increased cursorial ability (i.e., faster running) in these dinosaurs has been supported in more recent analysies; my analysis of evolutionary origins of it have been overturned by new discoveries in China.

Neuroscience

3/8/2011

 
​pain is in the brain
and in the spinal cord too
we don’t know much else

​
funkyneuron
McGill University

​My PhD thesis involved studying the role of the NKCC1 molecule in pain processing in the spinal cord.

Biology

3/6/2011

 
​Catfish parasites
obliterate ponds overnight!
Knock out their buddies!

​
Richard Van Hoosen
Mississippi State University

​I studied fish parasitology at Mississippi State University (1998). My dissertation concerned examining the intermediate hosts of a protozoan parasite of catfish that causes proliferative gill disease, with an eye towards finding ways of limiting population growth of those intermediate hosts. Less hosts=less parasites=less of a catastrophic infection.

Creative Writing

3/4/2011

 
​Some fake professors
at a fake conference about
a fake discipline.
​

Mike Miller
Indiana State University

​My thesis attempts to create a Chaucerian frame-narrative in the mode of an imagined academic conference about “Apocryphal Poetry” and then shares the papers delivered therein in an effort to parody modern literary scholarship. All works are allegedly of unknown authorship and are shown “in translation” with introductions and footnotes by separate imagined scholars.

Philosophy

3/3/2011

 
​It is beyond words
even those. But mystics employ
alternate logics

​
Brian Morton
Indiana University – Bloomington

​“Ineffability and Self-Refutation: Non-Monotonic Logic in the Thought of Pseudo-Dionysius, Sextus Empiricus, and the Astasahasrika Prajnaparamita”, 2003.

Water Resources Engineering

3/2/2011

 
​Fish like cool water.
Lasers and fiber optics
for a healthy stream.

​
Aida Arik
Oregon State University

​I am using Fiber Optics Distributed Temperature Sensing technology to look at high spatial and temporal resolution stream temperature in a restored stream in Eastern Oregon to find areas of cool water inflow. Water temperatures in the river often exceed the survivable range for salmon in the summer, so there have been many efforts to mitigate temperatures through restoration efforts. I am also developing a stream temperature model that can be used to strategically manage restoration efforts for temperature.

Astronomy

3/2/2011

 
​Massive black holes grow
in underdense locations,
at the present day


John Parejko
Drexel University

​Nearly all galaxies have massive black holes at their centers, but only some of those black holes are actively growing at any given time. My thesis focused on the current Universe, where it turns out that most of the growing black holes reside in large scale environments that are less dense than average, as opposed to the early Universe, when we think they lived in galaxies in denser regions.

Philosophy

3/1/2011

 
​Skirmishes for truth
partisans of translation
know Rorty is wrong.

​
Robyn Morton

​Sad, but I can’t remember the title of my thesis—let’s call it “Davidson and Rorty on truth and translation

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    Walden University
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Dissertation Haiku in the News!

​​​           Doctoral Dissertations in Haiku
“One of my old professors liked to say that a poem isn’t any good unless you can explain it to a three-year-old. I never would have thought one could apply that same standard to a doctoral dissertation, but then I came across a brilliant little website called Dissertation Haiku.” 
Full Article in Huffington Post 
John Lundberg Writer, Poetry Teacher
09/30/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011
        Dissertations are Long and Boring​
"This indisputable fact is the impetus behind the genius blog Dissertation Haiku, which explains itself thus: Dissertations are long and boring. By contrast everyone likes haiku. So why not write your dissertation as a haiku?
Full Article in The New Yorker 

Macy Halford  Contributor
09/23/2009

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